So I’m currently sitting backstage waiting to go on in a few minutes. And I’m not going to lie; I don’t feel all that good about the show. I mean, we’re pretty well prepared, musically speaking. I know the material, what’s expected and what to do on my instrument, but for some reason I’m still very uneasy about the gig and I’ll tell you why:

It just sounds bad in here.

I mean it. It just sounds really horrible in this room. It’s a larger arena-style venue and I’m hitting a wall in my head, over and over again. We just can’t get the monitors balanced, the bass REALLY isn’t translating to the crowd, and just it seems like I can’t distinguish one member of the band from the rest in my mix (especially the drums!). During soundcheck our bandleader’s wife said she couldn’t hear any detail in the music, and that it just sounded clouded and mushy, so now my fear of aural clutter has transcended from my own mix to the audience’s. Woof.

But that’s not the frustrating part; I’ve played this venue before. Actually, three times before over the past four years. And even though it’s not the best room, it’s ALWAYS sounded way better than this, which leads me to believe that the room’s acoustics aren’t the culprit…

…Yyyyyyaaa…

Sound guys. I always try give him (or her) the benefit of the doubt, especially when you’re meeting them for the first time, and it’s hard to gauge attitudes, intentions, skill and competence, but eventually it gets to a point where it becomes evident that this person will not be able to deliver for you. Because they’re in over their heads, now you are too. And when that happens despair sets in.

And here’s the thing, I’ve dealt with this before, time and time again, and even though I try to keep a professional attitude about it, it’s so hard not to let it affect my perspective and my performance. For instance, my drummer and I just had a conversation about potential kick-pattern changes on a song, to which after much thought I responded with, “Honestly, it really doesn’t even matter.” Which is both sad and true, but even more so is my attitude about it. This is my least favorite state of being, but it’s where I am right now.

Ok. Enough complaining. Let’s solve the problem!

So what am I to do?

What do you do in these situations?

Here’s what I’m thinking: I’m going to push through the show and use it as a legitimate practice session, but not in the sense of practicing my instrument or learning new material. I’m going to practice getting into the headspace that I need to be in EVEN THOUGH I don’t really feel like it. I’m going to work on feeling happy, excited, proud, content and satisfied with the show. Because, as I said before, this isn’t something new, and chances are I will be experiencing it again. Perhaps even again on this tour!

Actually, I’ve implemented this kind of “practice” at numerous gigs, even when the Sound Guys are on it. Sometimes the crowd is lackluster, unresponsive and boring. Sometimes it’s too hot. Sometimes it’s so cold that my fingers feel like they’re a mile away. There’s plenty of times that I “push through” and learn how to enjoy it. That’s the magic of showbusiness, and we all need to learn it if we are to survive, because sometimes the Force is with you (and sometimes it’s not).

Think positive, right? After all, the show must go on. I’m reminded of something my father told me once. He used to say that you always have two choices: you can choose to enjoy what you’re doing or choose not to. It’s always a choice, if you think about it. The circumstances are purely that; circumstantial. What matters most is what we do with them, right? So I’m going to choose to look past it all and not let it affect me. I’m going to push through! Excuse me while I go and have an awesome gig now 🙂

Have you guys ever felt this way at a gig? Share your stories below!