Posted on January 26, 2015

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Many of you have heard news that my wife has been in the hospital for a few days. I’d like to take the time now to officially fill you all in on what’s been going on. We went in to the ER on Wednesday, January 21, 2015 after receiving alarming news of a large soft-tissue mass in her chest from a CT scan that she had early that morning. We were quickly admitted to the CCU, and later testing showed us additional fluid around her lungs and heart, nodules on the lungs and also inside her kidneys. After two days of poking and prodding, biopsies and tests, the doctors have finally come to a conclusion: Sara has been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer called B Cell Lymphoma. Now, as you can imagine this is very alarming, and is seemingly in no way, shape or form “good news.” However, in this particular case we are very glad and fortunate to hear it. Of all the ailments that this could have been, this is our best shot for success; since it is aggressive Lymphoma it will react very quickly to both chemotherapy and radiation. Basically, we’re going to kick the $@%& out of cancer in no time. Also, we finally know what’s wrong with Sara and have a game plan laid out to help her get better; we’ve actually already begun. By the time you read this Sara will have finished her first day of chemotherapy. We’re finally on the road to recovery and we both couldn’t be more excited about that.

For those of you who know me or my wife personally, I’m sure that your heart is aching as mine is right now. I can’t even begin to express to you what I’m going through and what I’m feeling, what I’m thinking and how I’m coping with it all. This has been and will be the trial of a lifetime, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But before you reach for a tissue to dry your watery eyes I ask one thing of you – save your tears for later. Exchange your tears of sadness for tears of joy, as my wife and I have no intention of going down in the first round. Many of you know that my wife has been feeling very ill for the past few months, and I’m longing with every fiber of my being to see her be strong again. She’s going to smile again, she’s going to laugh, she’s going to be able to sleep comfortably and her body is going to be healed. She’s not going to cough or ache anymore – then and only then will you see my tears, and I’ll gladly share them with you. So if you’re willing and able, please take me up on this challenge: Don’t cry for my wife until you see her miraculously healed by the power of God almighty, the only one capable of being our strength when we are weak.

We appreciate all of your support and prayers in this time. We have a long road ahead of us – it’s going to be full of ups and downs, bumps in the road and heartache that I cannot even begin to fathom. But together we are going to make it through to the other side and we look forward to seeing all of you there. Please pray for the healing of her body, for guidance, for clear discernment on behalf of our fantastic staff of doctors and nurses, for strength and diligence… And, it feels a bit selfish of me to request prayer for myself, but o my goodness do I need it right now. I’m not going to lie, I’ve broken down a few times over the past few days, hyperventilating and worrying myself to death with a heart rate matching that of an Olympic runner. But in the midst of those terrifying moments I can admit to God my weakness and helplessness, and I surrender to His strength and sovereignty – and I simply cannot describe to you the peace and comfort that instantly comes over me all at once. I hear this song in my head, nonstop, and I can experience its words ringing true in my life:

I’m wide awake, drawing close, stirred by grace, and all my heart is yours
All fear removed, I breathe you in, I lean into Your love

Your love so deep, Is washing over me
Your face is all I seek, You are my everything
Jesus Christ, You are my one desire
Lord hear my only cry, to know You all my life

So with that I ask you to join me in prayer daily to support me and my wife through this time. Please remember that this isn’t the end; it’s actually just the beginning, and cancer is going to wish it had never been born by the time we’re done with it. We’ll be updating a daily blog soon as her prognosis continues, so feel free follow us in our journey together. Thank you for reading and God bless.


Comments (02)

  1. in some ways, i think it’s easier being the patient than the caregiver.

    it was very difficult for my wife watching me go through chemo (8 hrs per day, 5 days per week). by week 4, i was in a daze most of the time. in addition to the emotion strain on her, there were also financial losses due to turning down tours, sessions, etc.

    very happy to know sara (and you) are now survivors.

    1. Thank you Paul! I think the weirdest thing is how we both went through experiencing cancer, but we both had two completely different experiences and we can’t actually relate on it (her being the patient, me being the spouse of a patient). So strange. How long have you been cancer free?

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