Sara and I have been dating for almost 11 years and 4 months. That’s roughly 4,080 days, I figure. I’m not sure how many dates we’ve been on, but if we were to just average them out to 1 per week that puts us at an approximation of 582 dates thus far (I’m pretty sure there have been far more than this. Perhaps sometimes we had multiple dates in the span of one week? Well, I made up for it by calculating the times where we had 0 dates in the week, or only one or two dates within the entire month. This is a bit ridiculous, actually. I’m no mathematician. Carry on). Yea, let’s go with 582.

And I’m not gonna lie, I don’t really remember any of them.

I mean, I can barely remember the first one. I was some punk 16 year old kid who was way out of his league with this super cool chick that looked just like Avril Lavigne (those of you who can flash back to high school in the year 2003 will know that this means that I pretty much hit the jackpot), and I think we went and played miniature golf? There may have been hand holding during the watching of All Dogs Go To Heaven as well, not positive. Though, come to think of it that may have been Date #2… What about Date #65? Or #83, or #167 or #459? They’ve pretty much all come and gone, just as the ones before them. There’s just been so many! Who could keep track of them all? It’s a fantastic problem to have, if you think about it.

But tonight’s Date Night was the one best yet; she wore her favorite green dress and I wore my mask and gloves. It began with fine dining, as I recall, I had the BBQ Brisket (which I’m pretty sure was the same Salisbury Steak they served every Wednesday in the 3rd grade), she had the chicken. We toasted to our health over a nice cup of apple juice (2015, very good year) and enjoyed a sumptuous dessert of savory peaches (fresh from the can, of course). After that the Garçon (Derek) took our trays back to the cafeteria and we proceeded to make merry upon a nice, slow walk at dusk. We strolled hand in hand across three doors to the left, gazed at our reflections, briefly, in the window (of course it was actually too dark to see anything outside by this time), only then to hike all the way to the other side of the hallway (an additional 4 doors to the right). Then we proceeded to the theatre to enjoy a whimsical english tragedy (Netflix) and drinks (tap water). All in all, it was the best date ever.

Actually, no, it probably wasn’t, especially since she was dozing and drooling half the time… At least it was a date that we both needed. Wait, not really, if anything we need sleep right now more than anything. Well, at least it’s a date that I’ll always remember. Come to think of it she’s already passed out from sleeping pills and various narcotics in her IV Cocktail, and I’m sitting here tipitty typititing away in the dark by myself…

Ok, maybe it wasn’t the best date ever, but at least we’ll always have Date #583.

By the time that you read this it’ll be Friday. Do yourself a favor and enjoy Date Night with your Significant tonight, if possible. Be sure to post a photo on whichever social medial platform you prefer with the hashtag #datenight583. Go have a great night, it’s on us (figuratively, of course, we’re actually quite broke because of all of this).

O ya, Sara’s MRI came back clear too, so, no cancer in the brain. Yay! Now stop reading, you need 10 cc’s of Date Night, stat!